i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
