I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
