i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
