Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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