don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
