He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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