Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
