I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize