i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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