i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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