$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
