You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize