Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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