it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
