I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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