i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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