Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
