first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
