wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
