dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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