I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
