So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
