I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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