I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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