I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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