The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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