Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
