Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there's paper in my vomit.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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