did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
