If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
