I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
