You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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