did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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