i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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