mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
