i may or may not be watching the land before time
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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