Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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