Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
