i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
