Christians are straight up FREAKS
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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