the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
