am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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