This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
