I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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