U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
