new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
