You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
