Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
