Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
