my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
