Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
