Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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