btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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