Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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