Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
