im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
and she was petting her beer can
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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