True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
