there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I wear drunk well.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
