Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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