Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
