Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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