Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
