she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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