I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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