I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
