Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i will never coherently bang her
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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