Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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