Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
