They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
