i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
