so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
