Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
