after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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