I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
